My Story
On the outside I had it all figured out, but on the inside I was unable to find clarity, calm or connection in my life.
My younger sister asked me recently if my life was kind of planned? Er, no, through life we face crossroads, choices, not knowing the outcome of either path, we make our choice, hope for the best and don’t look back. Until we do and say, how did I get here?
I spent my career in high pressure, high stakes environments.
Me and my girlfriend met in Florida working on a superyacht, SY Rosehearty. My brother was also crew onboard and we spent 3 years having the time of our lives, travelling the world, eating at the finest restaurants, meeting the world’s movers, so coming back to a sleepy town and starting from scratch was an adjustment. But couldn’t have been happier with the woman I love and being parents together.
We both joined her family’s business as casual staff to begin with while we were finding our feet, her back in her childhood home and me in a new country, no friends or family. But as our little family grew we connected with the community and soon found ourselves running the business side by side.
As the business grew it took more of me and us away from maybe where I and we wanted to be as individuals, as a couple and as a family. Thoughts of past successes & loses and future worries would take up my mind and ruminate at night when all was quiet.
Most of what I’d been carrying was shame and guilt attached to stories I’d told myself.
Somewhere in there I hit a wall. Ruminating constantly, sleeping badly, physically present with my wife and kids but not actually there. On the sofa watching a film with them, phone in hand, mind somewhere else entirely.
So I did the work. A year of it. Psychologist, classes, workshops and ultimately a four hour recording in the car of my own life story out loud — which is where all of this actually started.
I went back to people who’d left my life and asked for their side of it. I reached out to my biological father, who I’ve never met. I had the real conversation with my mum and my stepfather about my childhood, and found out it simply was what it was. None of us know what we’re doing as parents. We don’t realise how much a throwaway line can land on a child.
Most of what I’d been carrying was shame and guilt attached to stories I’d told myself. Once I heard the other perspective, I could put them down.
What actually changed things day to day was breath.
Nose, diaphragm, light and slow. My sleep came back. My anxiety settled. I got my patience back with my kids and my presence back with my wife. I brought old hobbies back in, reconnected with friends, and started feeling grateful rather than braced.
Then I looked at the numbers. Australia has some of the worst rates of insomnia and sleep apnoea in the world, alongside serious anxiety and suicide figures. Most of us are mouth breathing our way through it and nobody’s ever taught us otherwise.
So I trained properly, through Oxygen Advantage, and this became the work. I thought it would be just for men and that’s why I started Matt. Men Are Talking Together. But most of the people getting in touch were women, wives, girlfriends, sisters, mothers and the truth is everybody needs this knowledge.
It comes down to two breaths. One to calm down, one to sharpen up. Before bed, before a test, before a meeting, before you walk into anything that matters. This is an amazing country, built by amazing people, and I just want us all to love the life we have here and be present. Live it, feel it.
you don’t have to do it alone